Michael Shaffran, LCSW

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Accepted Insurance Plans:

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Quick Facts

  • CARING, COMPASSIONATE AND CONCERNED COUNSELOR
  • 35 YEARS IN THE MENTAL HEALTH AND PSYCHIATRY PROFESSION
  • TRAINED IN MULTIPLE THERAPIES: GESTALT, EMDR, HYPNOSIS, SOLUTION FOCUSED,
    PSYCHODYNAMIC AND FAMILY THERAPY
  • PROVIDES THERAPY IN SPANISH AND UNDERSTANDS LATINO AND HISPANIC CULTURES
  • MULTICULTURAL BACKGROUND: TAUGHT ENGLISH IN KOREA; TRAVELLED THROUGH ASIA, RUSSIA, EUROPE AND THE CARIBBEAN

"Sexual Misconduct": Shadow side of Sexuality
Written by Mike Shaffran   
The last couple of months have changed the landscape of public and private life for most men with power and money but also the average guy on the street. This is a reckoning for all men and the society we've created. Perhaps, this all started with Adam and Eve or what Greek mythologists referred to the story of Oedipus which was turned into the Oedipal Complex by Freud. The 40's, 50's and 60's saw Playboy and its spinoffs encourage men to sexualize and objectify women and then, the internet brought us Cybersex and the world has been changed evermore to live out our sexual fantasies and actualize them with women in the real world. One of the downsides of this sexual revolution, which was ushered in during my coming of age: "The Sixties" was that pretty much everything goes, ie, all forms of sexuality, ie. what Freud called "polymorphous perversity", but this has lead to much confusion and dissatisfaction and perhaps, the high divorce rate: 50% in USA. This freedom to do what one wants and when one wants in the hands of men with power in Hollywood or government has given men (primarily, although there are some women who exploit their power as well, albeit very few) the sense that they can get away with sexual exploitation and that they are above the law. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are learning this the hard way, as we see the dramas unfold on the nightly news. Carl Jung, MD, the famous Swiss psychiatrist talked about The Shadow: the part that we repress, avoid and deny. If we are out of touch with "our shadow", we will be blind to thoughts, feelings and behavior and inevitably, act them out. In my therapy work with men over 30 years, I've seen many men struggle with failed relationships due to sex addiction: Cybersex; affairs; visit to prostitutes; massage parlors etc. It is essential that men (even adolescent boys) become aware of their sexual shadow to avoid "Sexual Misconduct" as they enter not only the workplace but also relationships. If they turn a blind eye to their desires and feel they cannot control them or even worse, feel because they have money and power they can get away with exploiting girls or women, they will lose, as they are now and in droves. Women are sick and tired of centuries of sexual exploitation--if not thousands of years--and are not going to take it anymore. It's time for men to "do their work" in psychotherapy or men's groups and develop "The Mature Masculine" which honors women and helps men see women as equals who deserve the dignity and self-respect that they should be cultivating in themselves. These are important messages to transmit to boys, adolescents, whether one's own children or those of others in the community. This is one way to make the world a better place for all of us.
 
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